Congrats! You’re now the Chairman of Tesla!

"Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras" (jegoingout)
09/30/2018 at 11:59 • Filed to: Vote for me so I can Make Tesla Great Again

I assume everyone on Oppo is more stable and less self centered than Elon Musk is, so you’re now in control. What’s your plan to make Tesla great (again?).

Will you keep to the plan of having the Tesla truck and roadster roll out within the next couple of years? Will you build another huge factory in the middle of no where? Will you launch your car or Elon into space? What’s the plan?

DISCUSSION (23)

Under_Score > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
09/30/2018 at 12:04

Tesla needs a factory in a rural area with abundant poverty. So, not California. Granted, Tesla isn’t as stable as other large car companies, but companies such as Kia (Georgia), Nissan (Mississippi), and Honda (Alabama) had the right idea with their factories. The Kia factory, for instance, is in a very rural area off I-85 with few other employment opportunities around. By building a factory in an area where jobs are few and far between, the local economy can be boosted.

HammerheadFistpunch > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
09/30/2018 at 12:05

If I read the signs right, the EV space is about to get crowded and I work harder to deliver what I’ve already promised and make sure there is excess battery production capacity and get solar roofs ready to roll out. Then sell my batteries to everyone else who wants to build an electric car and ramp up supercharger stations with the ability to charge other brands for their use.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
09/30/2018 at 12:06

I’d dissolve Tesla and recreate NUMMI. We’ll assemble a new Pontiac Vibe !!! After ruining Tesla, GM, and Toyota USA, I will probably go to prison for fraud and embezzling.

KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
09/30/2018 at 12:06

Do nothing. Business as usual. Continue with plans to roll out the Truck Roadster and solar roof tiles and SpaceX and focus on delivering the Model3s. I think at this stage just doing that will keep things smooth, and the stock price stable.

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
09/30/2018 at 12:15

Pls no

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
09/30/2018 at 12:16

Sorry, who’s the chairman here? Oh right. ME.

ranwhenparked > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
09/30/2018 at 12:17

Communicate with Elon only via email with read receipts. Give him a 90-day work plan, require him to sign it. Carefully document all interactions with him, including brushing past in the hallway. Set a standing appointment with him Friday mornings to review progress. After 90 days, see where things stand.

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
09/30/2018 at 12:18

Sell to the Chinese, retire to private island

farscythe - makin da cawfee! > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
09/30/2018 at 12:25

grab the cash n run!

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
09/30/2018 at 12:27

Stop being a dick to my employees and start making cars that aren’t riddled with faults caused by my grandiose plans far outreaching my capabilities?

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent
09/30/2018 at 12:31

That kind of thinking isnt allowed

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
09/30/2018 at 12:31

I quit

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
09/30/2018 at 12:32

I like

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > farscythe - makin da cawfee!
09/30/2018 at 12:32

To space?

farscythe - makin da cawfee! > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
09/30/2018 at 12:34

possibly.... i dont think i need i need oxygen anymore

shit makes me cough unless im smoking nowadays :p

DC3 LS, Fuck Hyundai, now and forever > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
09/30/2018 at 12:45

Cancel the roadster, work on selling the batteries to any one who’ll buy them (including China) and just let that print me money. No new cars developed past the model 3, maybe the truck if it’s nearly finished.

blacktruck18 > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
09/30/2018 at 12:52

1. Go on Joe R ogan’s podcast and inhale.

2. Talk to people way smarter than me and figure out how to retain as much stock price as possible, there is an Elon bump in the stock price try not to lose that .

3. Hire someone to read all o f Elon’s Tesla tweets before he can post them.

4. Figure out what is causing the delivery and quality issues and fix those.

5 . Give Elon very specific problems to figure out, he is extremely smart and is still a huge asset. Let him solve the delivery problem or something.

6. Develop the batteries and become a battery supplier to as many battery needing industries as possible.

6. Is the semi feasible?

7. UPS/DHL/FEDEX/USPS delivery vehicle. I am pretty sure the mileage requirement is doable except maybe rural areas. It would also be a huge opportunity as far as long term reliability studies without the public being super aware of the failures that could happen.

8. Do a m arket study to see if there is any money to be made on a Tesla cargo/work van. If there is build it on an existing platform, probably the truck. Make it as easy (cheap) as possible to convert the trucks to vans. Just bolt the body on as it goes down the assembly line easy .

9 . Full size 3 row SUV based on the truck.

G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
09/30/2018 at 13:12

The r oadster is pretty much through development so might as well produce it. Hurry along on Tesla body shops. Cancel the semi. Take 6 months to focus on quality and licensing batteries and EV systems then make the Model Y a Model 3-sized crossover because that’s what would sell. Implement the same at-home discovery ad concierge service system that Genesis Canada is using. Streamline options enough to make most color and trim options no extra charge. Keep things fresh with new color options every year. Nothing groundbreaking, just typical car company stuff.

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > blacktruck18
09/30/2018 at 13:17

You have my vote

aberson Bresident of the FullyAssed Committe > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
09/30/2018 at 13:20

LS swap the company

Spamfeller Loves Nazi Clicks > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
09/30/2018 at 15:00

What the hell. I’ll approach it seriously.

Sell. Sell as fast as I fucking can. No manufacturer turned away.

Hyundai? Come on down. GM? Gimme a call. Ford? Why sell your own sedans, sell ours. Opel? Why the fuck not.

There is nowhere to go for Tesla but down, period. They trade entirely on being a cult. (And they are, absolutely, a cult.) They can’t build a fucking car. They can’t handle mass production. They can’t handle delivering finished product. The only way to fix this shit quickly? Sell .

Selling 40% of the company to Ford and getting technology, expertise , access to logistics, and dealer network access in the deal ? Uh, fuck yes that is a ridiculously good deal for Ford. No more of this idiocy of trying to reinvent the wheel as a square, and the time spent going back to something that works is next to nil.

Suddenly cars are actually getting built, quality isn’t so embarrassingly bad it looks 90's Kias look good, and people are actually getting their cars when they were promised. Plus costs get slashed by firing all the idiots who insist they can make a square wheel with no bolts work, and firing all the people who were wasting time making square wheels.

Tesla’s core financials are a complete fucking joke. That’s an absolute fact. Their interest expenses are skyrocketing - meaning people aren’t just giving them money. Why? Because they continue to operate at a loss. And this just made it worse. Their credit default swaps have skyrocketed, making their bonds miles below junk rating. Not only that, but they are still loading themselves up to death with more debt. Which will cost them exponentially more to maintain now.

As soon as that sale gets completed? Everything that isn’t the base Model 3 that captain jackass promised gets put on hold. Period. Nothing but base Model 3's going out the door until there’s enough buffer. And if the “$35k” Model 3 isn’t profitable? It gets re-engineered till it is. If it can’t be? Everyone gets their deposit back and it gets re-priced so it is. And no matter what it gets repositioned in the market. Period. None of this bullshit of trying to compete with Leafs.

But before I start selling? Elon gets punted from everything resembling a management position. Marketing can figure out some figurehead position he can play in. Something that makes it easy to destroy him the next time he earns his dumb ass a libel suit or says something racist. Elon is not smart. He is not even of average intelligence. He’s a spoiled rich kid who just got richer.

Die-Trying > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
09/30/2018 at 16:59

put a body style on the car that just outright begs to get driven.......

Kinja'd!!!

bubblestheturtle > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
10/01/2018 at 19:34

I think he has ‘ failed up’ as far as he can on this one.